If this snippet from the 1976 Paramount Pictures release Lifeguard is any indication, then movies about lifesavers at the beach should be pretty sexy…

In the case of the 2017 Paramount Pictures film Baywatch The Movie, nobody read that memo as there are plenty of sexy bodies on offer but no sexual activity (at least until the very end of the film).

It is a strange indictment of how far we’ve come over the last four decades in terms of our acceptance of coarse language, inappropriate gags (Steve Irwin, Stephen Hawking) and general crudeness, that a film about people in peak physical condition features very little intimacy and a heck of lot of indecency.

Certainly the two male leads Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Lifeguard Team Leader Mitch Buchannon and Zac Efron as disgraced Olympic swimmer Matt Brody intent on joining the crew, are in supreme shape.

They prove their fitness early on in the film as they compete against one another in an obstacle course and there are understandably few scenes where the pair aren’t parading around in their incredible bodies wearing just a pair of boardies. If I looked like that I probably would too.

When it comes to the female talent on show, and yes, that is exactly what I mean, it is hard to appreciate the attractive cast without feeling like you are leering at people in swimsuits from the comfort of a cinema chair.

At least in True Detective when Alexandra Daddario went topless, she was in command of an older man in the form of an inebriated Woody Harrelson as she cuffed him and took charge of their relationship. Here, she is leered at in an uncomfortable fashion and she is wearing more clothes!

Unfortunately the film neither delivers an interesting or original story , nor pokes sufficient fun at the source material. There are some truly funny gags including one of the best dick sight gags of all time.

Overall, like an Uber Eats driver with a small car, this big dumb movie doesn’t deliver as much as it could have and that is a shame as the likeable and watchable cast deserve better.

2 Stars – “Easy on the Eyes, Light on the Laughs”.