Film Review – 3 days to Kill Directed by McG. Written by Luc Besson & Adi Hasak

Release Date – February 27th 2014.

The entire duration of this film I kept thinking to myself –  “There hasn’t been a Hollywood film set here that I’ve detested this much since 2010’s abysmal John Travolta vehicle From Paris With Love.” Lo and behold the screenwriting credits in common are “Adi Hasak” who shares the guilt with Luc Besson.

With the always chaotic McG ( Terminator Salvation ) at the helm this is one jumbled up piece of nonsense.

We meet Kevin Costner as Ethan Renner coughing up blood as he takes part in a CIA operation in Serbia to stop a terrorist with a dirty bomb selling it to the Syrians.

(Surely Costner’s character’s name is some sick joke referencing both Tom Cruise’s character Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible as well as Ethan Hawke in the supremely superior “Before” series as well as Jeremy Renner in the least good Bourne film?)

Unable to apprehend one of the two targets – The Albino – Ethan Renner  passes out seconds before he can bring the bad guy into custody.

Renner awakens in a hospital bed to be met with the news that he has cancer. He has less than a year to live. This is a similar premise to the one that worked well in Dallas Buyer’s Club, but don’t expect an Oscar round these parts.

The gloomy prognosis motivates Renner to tie up the loose ends in his life and he lobs back into the world of the wife he walked out on 5 years before, and wants to make reparations with his estranged teenage daughter.

So far the movie is juggling a terminally ill CIA agent who let the bad guy get away with a family who isn’t sure if they want their husband and father back, and who don’t yet know he is going to die soon.

And naturally this is where the laughs start coming. Yep. Laughs. As in, let’s make this a comedy about a screwball Dad trying to adjust to life with a teenage girl, while also making up for lost time with his wife, because naturally they still love each other after five years apart, and presumably a lifetime of lies as part of his CIA cover. On top of this another CIA agent (Amber Heard) makes Renner an offer he can’t refuse – receive trial medication to treat his cancer and a retirement package in return for “one last job”.

This is a preposterous mish-mash that I was only just able to restrain myself from walking out of. I did however wish strongly that a large rogue bird would fly into the cinema and peck out my eyes.

Ultra violent, nonsensical, unrealistic clap-trap.

It’s no wonder this film had no advance screenings and no publicity. It’s a turkey. A dog. One of Hollywood’s many turds.

Flush. 1 Star