ENDER’S GAME – DIRECTED BY GAVIN HOOD

On a day when the globe lost perhaps the greatest human being of the last fifty years – Mr Nelson Mandela – I went along to catch a film directed by his compatriot Mr Gavin Hood. Mr Hood’s previous feature film work primarily consists of the almost completely unnecessary Marvel spin-off “X-Men Origins – Wolverine.”

Sadly I felt his touch with this 1985 science fiction novel from author Orson Scott Card was off the mark.

Certainly a divisive work of fiction, people who are fans of the book have held their collective breath to see what the film would bring.

To save you two hours and several dozen dollars (plus parking & popcorn), here’s what you’ll get for the price of admission –

An annoying kid lead actor – that one from Hugo – Asa Butterfield.

An old Harrison Ford who seems to have cashed in a careers worth of Han Solo and Indiana Jones cred to play the tough old army guy who desperately wants to give war a chance.

(Sir) Ben Kingsley with a ridiculous “Maori” accent. Dear Sir Kingsley – the “Maori” can be found in a country called New Zealand – which is nowhere near South Africa, andwhose population has quite a different accent.

Some other annoying child actors.

Some spaceships that blow up.

An Alien race that we don’t get to see very well.

Some poorly realised video game avatars.

A drill sergeant – Nonzo Anosie aka Xaro Xhoan Daxos from Game of Thrones behaving like a pantomime soldier.

I think that there may be some more stuff in the film I just watched, including bullying, a military industrial complex, a shower scene, an anti-grav studio, a brother and sister and a set of parents – one of whom comes from overseas.

Oftentimes I’ll agree with the wonderful folk at urbancinefile.com.au but in this instance they couldn’t be more off the mark.  (Ender’s Game Review)

The film interminably builds to an obvious inevitable battle with the enemy alien race the “Formica Benchtops” aka the Formics. Egads – when the battle happens the naughty army bosses reveal a big surprise – Spoiler Alert – the “simulation” was actually real war and you just blew up the Formica Planet – sucked in Aliens!

But wait! Maybe they were trying to communicate with us….

Oh Dear. I sense a sequel . Or three.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Next.

2 & 1/2 stars.